Malcolm
Chapter 13.
Aww mate, aww mate, there comes a time when we get a bit old, yer know what I’m saying, hur hur hur, mate, and well, poor old Bruce the dog was starting to get a bit old. She was still up to the job, mate, but, aww mate, it takes a few years to get a dog up to speed so I decided to get a new pup. So mate, so mate, I tracked down this breeder that had a good reputation, aww yerh, aww yerh.
This breeder lived in Dorrigo, up the north coast, aww yerh, so mate, me and old Bruce set off on a road trip, that’s what we did mate. We headed off one morning, it was winter time, so the days were a bit short and it was just a bit cool, aww yerh, mate. We went through Gloucester and then up the Thunderbolts Way, which we turned off at Nowendoc, aww yerh.
Now mate, now mate, that bit of road is a quite bit of road I can tell yer, aww yerh, quite bit of road. So far so good, mate, we’d been on the road for, I don’t know, about four hours I guess, when the Ute drops a cylinder, aww yerh. Then mate, the temp gauge starts to climb and then we lost another cylinder, aww mate, this is not good, aww know. So mate I pulled over and parked under a big old camphor laurel tree, aww yerh, mate. Steam came out from under the bonnet as I stoped and the engine stoped as well, aww that’s not good I thought to myself, aww no.
I get out to have a bit of a gander, a bit of a look and mate, things did not look good, aww know, aww know, there was coolant coming out between the head and the block, aww yerh, mate. Now that’s not good mate, aww know, aww know, not good at all, that’s a blown head gasket, that’s what that is, aww yerh.
So mate, so mate, what to do now? I’m a long way from any where, aww yerh, haven’t seen another car since turning onto this road, haven’t seen any houses either, aww know. So mate, I’ll tell yer what I did, I check under the seat, just to make sure the head gasket I kept under there was still there and it was. Then mate, I checked that it was in good condition and it was, I check the tools, and I’ve got all the tools I need, so mate, I’ve got everything I need to fix the poor old bugger.
Now mate, it was just on lunch so I decided to have a bit to eat before starting work, aww yerh. Once I’d eaten I started pulling the car apart, bonnet off first, which took a bit of doing as it weighs a bit, aww yerh, but I managed it. Then it was just a matter of pulling things off and after a while I had it ready for the head to come off, aww yerh. So mate, I undo all the head bolts and the head is ready to come off. but mate, its stuck, aww yerh, it doesn’t want to budge, aww know.
Even if it wasn’t stuck, I would off been hard pressed lifting the head off, aww yerh, aww yerh, its got some weight to it, I can tell yer. So I’ll tell yer what I did, well mate, I put one end of a ratchet strap around one of the branches of the camphor laurel and the other end I bolted to the head, aww yerh mate. I then just ratcheted it off, you know what I’m saying, and well mate, it worked, the head slowly can off, aww yerh.
Aww mate, aww mate, with the head off I cleaned up the head the best I could and then did the same to the block, and mate, it all looked pretty good. Could not see any reason for the gasket blowing which was a bit of a worry, but mate, there was nothing I could do but put it back together, aww yerh.
But mate, I was losing the light so mate, there was nothing for it but to camp for the night, aww yerh. That was alright, I had food and water, some dog biscuits for Bruce, everything I needed. So mate, I collected some fire wood, set up a fire pit, and settled down for a spot of camping, aww yerh.
It wasn’t a bad night, me and Bruce chatted for a while, well I chatted and Bruce just listened, hur hur hur. It got a bit cold in the small hours, aww yerh, just a bit, but me and Bruce hunkered down in the back of the Ute between some bails of straw. And we had plenty of blankets, well two, plus Petals horse blanket and we did put the torno cover on the Ute.
Aww mate, aww mate, the next morning we got the fire going again just to make a hot cup of tea, aww yerh, before getting back to fixing the Ute. I was struggling with getting the head back on using the ratchet strap when a car came along the road, the first one since we stoped there. They were a farmer and his wife who owned a property just a few km’s further down the road. He helped me lift the head into place, aww yerh, and then stayed to help me get it going, while his wife continued home.
With two of use working on it things moved along at a pass and it wasn’t long before it was time to turn the key and hope. Well mate, it just started up with out any problems, aww yerh, aww yerh. Once I had packed everything back into the Ute I gave the farmer, his name was Max, a lift to his farm, where they gave me lunch, aww yerh.
Aww mate, it turned out that their dogs came from the same breeder I was going to see to buy me new pup, and mate, they only had good thing to say about him, aww yerh.
Now mate, after lunch I pressed on through Walcha, Ebor and on to Dorrigo, and mate, I have to say it was getting late by the time I get to the motel, aww yerh.
The next day I was out to the dog breeder to pick up the new pup, which all went well. Bruce seemed to like the new pup, which was the first problem solved as I was worried that Bruce would not except a new dog, aww know.
Aww mate, aww mate it was a long trip home, I can tell yer, didn’t get home till late, aww yerh, aww yerh, slept in the next morning till all of six thirty, aww yerh.
Named the new pup Max after the farmer who helped me out with the Ute, aww mate, the new pup grew up to be a good hard working dog, aww yerh.
Malcolm
Chapter 14.
You know mate, you know mate, in life you make mistakes, aww yerh, aww yerh, but mate, it all comes down to how you deal with those mistakes as well if you learn from those mistakes, aww yerh, mate, aww yerh.
Now mate, I was at Tocal Field Day not long ago, aww yerh and I saw me Granny, aww she’s a good sort, with that Kevin, you know pants man Kevin, aww yerh. Aww, aww, mate, that Kevin has a bit of a reputation when it comes to the ladies, aww yerh, hur hur hur. If you know what I talking about, you know what I mean, hur hur hur, mate. He’s such a pants man, aww yerh, you know how he got the nick name, pants man Kevin, I’ll tell yer, mate, yer.
Aww mate, now this happened a long time ago, Kevin was found by the Copers, without his pants, gaffer taped to the goal post at the local foot ball field, hur hur hur, aww yerh, mate. No one ever found out how he came to be there, and he want say, that or the bugger can’t remember. He’s been called pants man Kevin ever since, aww mate, and I think he likes it, hur hur hur, mate, aww yerh.
Then mate, then mate, I was in town one time not long after the Tocal Field Day when I sees the Granny, aww she’s a good sort, having coffee with pants man Kevin at a Café, aww yerh, aww yerh. Now mate, given Kevin’s reputation with the ladies and given that he boasts that he has a ninety five percent success rate with the ladies, well mate, things didn’t look good for me and the Granny.
On the other hand mate, Kevin is really good at getting the ladies but he has no history of keeping them, aww know, aww know.
Any way mate, any way mate, I was in town a few weeks after that, you know, just had to get a few things, and any way, I’ve parked the Ute and I’m walking through the car park. Well mate I spots the Granny’s Ute, aww she’s a good sort, and then just a few cars along I sees pants man Kevin’s Ute, aww mate, aww mate. And mate I’m thinking that, ‘this is not good, aww know,’ so I keep walking towards the shops, aww yerh.
Well mate, I’m walking along when I sees Kevin, pants man Kevin walking towards me, so I say, ‘Good’a Kevin,’ and he says, ‘Good’a Malcolm,’ now then I said, ‘what yer been up to?’ well mate, Kevin just replied with, ‘same old things, Malcolm’.
Aww mate, aww mate, I didn’t know what to make of that, aww know, aww know. Yer see mate, Kevin always tell yer about his conquests, you know what I mean, hur hur hur, you know, with the ladies, mate. Kevin always has a story to tell about fun and games in the hay shed, or having to make a quick get away out of some woman’s bed room window, aww yerh, aww yerh, mate.
Now mate, I didn’t know what to make of that, aww know, Kevin just saying, ‘same old things,’ aww mate, that’s unheard of, mate. Pants man Kevin loves to boast mate, loves to tell a story, aww yerh, mate and here he was just saying, ‘same old things,’ aww mate, something is up, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Any way mate, I keep walking towards the shops and well mate, I see the Granny, aww she’s a good sort, walking towards me, hur hur hur mate. But mate, I tense up, as I always do, aww yerh, but I manage a, ‘Good’a mate,’ and she says, ‘Good’a Malcolm.’ Then I tell her about having just seen Kevin and that he doesn’t seem himself.
Well mate, well mate, it all cames out, she tells me that Kevin is in love, can you believe it, Kevin in love, and that he doesn’t know what to do, hur hur hur, this was a new experience for poor old Kevin, aww yerh. All he’s ever known is, ‘in like Flynn, and out like Flynn,’ so mate, poor old Kevin doesn’t know what to do, hur hur hur.
Aww mate, aww mate, it turns out that the Granny, aww she’s a good sort, has been helping poor old Kevin, hur hur hur, talking it through, you know, womanly advice, hur hur hur, maaate.
So mate, I had the wrong end of the stick from the start, aww yerh, wrong end of the stick, aww yerh, aww yerh, mate, my mistake, just got to say.
Aww mate, yer know what this means, don’t yer, Kevin’s not after me Granny, aww she’s a good sort, and mate, she’s not interested in Kevin, aww mate, what a bit of good news, aww yerh. aww yerh. The Granny is still fair game, if you know what I mean, if you know what I’m saying, aww yerh, aww yerh, mate.
I’ll tell yer something for nothing mate, aww yerh, I drove home from town that day with the biggest smile on me face, aww yerh, aww yerh, pants man Kevin in love, what a bit of news that was.
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