Malcolm.
Chapter 3.
Aww mate, aww mate, yer, when I got back from college, well mate things were a bit slow on the farm, it was not making enough money so I had to find something to do. Now mate the Old Man had an old Bull Dozer, a Fait 70ci, which is about a D4 size Dozer. He also had a good size pump on a trailer so I started hiring myself out building dams.
We were in the middle of a drought around that time so I got a lot of work building new dams. What I would do is build a new dam about a hundred metres from and existing dam, you know what I’m saying, then I’d pump the water from the old dam into the new dam, aww yerh, aww yerh. Then mate, after a few weeks I would clean out the old dam and build a drainage ditch between then so that when the new dam was full it would over flow into the old dam.
Aww mate, you know I spent months on one property doing that and I have to tell you mate, I went to school with the owner. He took over the farm from his Old Man, he was the Cricket Captain back in my school days and now married to the girl I had me eye on only a year or two before. Orr she was a good sort, still is. And mate, here he was running the biggest farm in the valley, married to the best looking woman in the valley, one heir and a spare on the way. I was envious but I couldn’t hate him as he was a good bloke.
Any way mate, I did that for a year and a half before the drought broke which meant the end of that, aww yerh, aww yerh, as with regular rain there was no time for things to dry out enough to clean out old dams. Got a bit of work building new dams but things got a bit slower once the drought broke.
I tell you something about building dams, mate, it’s fine when you’re just blocking up a gully, you know what I’m saying, piece of cake, you just push dirt around. But mate, hur hur hur, when you’re building a ‘U’ shape dams, aww mate, aww mate, thing can get a bit tricky, I can tell yer. As you compact the dirt you have to drive the dozer around the dam wall, but mate, its not a dam wall yet, aww no, aww no, it’s just a pill of dirt, you know what I’m saying. As you are going around the dam wall, well mate as you turn the dozer, well mate one the track is in mid air, aww mate, aww mate, it’s a bit scary, I can tell yer.
Now mate, I spent the next few years keeping the wolf from the door by doing Dozer work as well as some farm work in the valley, building fences, driving tractors and helping the Old Man around the farm, aww yerh, aww yerh. I wasn’t making much money, aww know aww know, only just enough to make ends meet.
I did some work for a logger, you know what I’m saying, just dragging logs with the dozer, through the bush from where they were cut down to the loading ramp. Aww mate, I was dragging this log one day and well mate, the chain came undone from around the log, as they do. So mate I stoped, back up, climbed off the dozer, and mate, in order to get the chain back around the log I had to dig a hole under the log, aww yerh, aww yerh.
So there I was, mate, got the crow bar digging a hole under the log and all of a sudden, mate, I’ve got a fountain. I hit a three inch poly pipe with the crow bar, water is going everywhere, aww yerh, aww yerh. It turns out this poly pipe was going from a dam up hill of me to a house down hill of me, can you believe it, can you believe it, I in the middle of no where in the bush and I’ve hit a water pipe.
Aww mate, aww mate, so what I did was run up hill till I found the dam and as luck would have it there was a turn cock, aww yerh, aww yerh, so I just turned it off. Arr mate I then had to go down to the house and I was so lucky, so lucky, as the owner had a three inch poly joiner, aww yerh, aww yerh. You know mate, all up it took a few hours to fix but I got it fixed, aww yerh.
And mate, you want believe this but it happened again just a few years back, aww yerh, aww yerh, but this time on this place, same thing happened, same bull dozer, dragging a log, chain come undone, digging with a crow bar and then a fountain, aww yerh, aww yerh. I should off bought a lottery ticket but I didn’t, oh well.
Aww mate, I’ll tell yer, driving a dozer has its moments, aww yerh, aww yerh, I was dragging this log through the bush one day, now mate, it was in an area where a bush fire had gone through, aww mate, may be six week before. You know, the plants were all coming back with new shouts, you know what I’m saying. Any way mate, I’m dragging this log when I start smelling smoke, aww yerh, aww yerh, so I look behind me, and mate, I’ve got a bush fire going.
Yer see mate, what had happened was, that log I was dragging had pulled up a root under the ground that was still burning, can you believe it, aww mate, aww mate. That had started a new fire, so mate I had to pull the pin on the chain to the log and start pushing dirt to make a fire brake, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Hey mate, I’ll tell yer something else, aww yerh, before the Old Man got the Fait Dozer he had a little Caterpillar D2, hur hur hur, now mate that is a tiny Dozer, aww yerh. I learnt to drive on that Dozer, aww mate, what a awful machine that was, aww yerh, aww yerh. To start the bugger yer had to first start a pilot motor, aww yerh, a petrol pilot motor, now to start this pilot motor, well mate, it was like a lawn mower, you pulled a string. Hur hur hur, mate, more like a robe, so mate what you had to do was wind a rope around a pulley and pull on it, just like a lawn mower.
Now mate, I was just a young bloke, there was not much of me, so I could not get it started, so I’ll tell yer what I use to do. I would wind the rope around the pulley and then I would tire the rope to the tow bar of the Ute, aww yerh, aww yerh, hur hur hur. See where I’m going here mate, hur hur hur, I’d then get in the Ute, start the bugger up, put it in first gear and drop the clutch, aww yerh. I’d look in the rear view mirror and if I could see blue smoke coming out of the exhaust, well mate, that would mean it started.
Then mate, then mate, all yer had to do was engage the diesel motor and it would fire up, aww yerh, aww yerh. And I’ll tell you something else for nothing, mate, always make sure the bugger is in neutral other wise then the pilot motor starts the Dozer will take off, aww yerh, aww yerh, been there, done that, that’s an old trick, hur hur hur.
Had a close call with that little D2, aww yer, aww yerh, I was going up a hill, it was a steep’ish sort of hill, if you know what I mean. Any way mate, the track came off and the machine slid into a rut and ended up, orr I don’t know, may be forty five degrees. I was lucky it didn’t go over, hur hur hur, mate, but I lived to tell the tail. Aww mate, aww mate, had to get one of the neighbours to bring his Dozer over to pull the D2 on to some flat ground so I could repair the bugger.
Dozers are dangerous things mate, aww yerh, aww yerh, and it’s not just me that they try to kill. I was clearing some scrub for one of the neighbours one time and well mate, I don’t know why, but people like watching Bull Dozers. Anyway the neighbour was, aww mate, about fifty metres away and I pushing on a blood wood tree when it wiped back and a branch broke out of it and landed at the neighbours feet, aww yerh, aww yerh, hur hur hur mate, he moved back a bit after that, hur hur hur.
Aww mate, aww mate, after a few years of Dozer work, I got a job offer, a proper job, working for a fortnightly pay day, aww yerh, I got a job working on a wheat/sheep farm out west. Just general farm work, aww yeah, aww yerh, five days a week, holidays, sick pay, the lot. Now mate, now mate, I did not much like this but it was good regular money, aww yerh, aww yerh. I had never had so much money, I bought the Ute, which I still own, and I saved up a bit as well, aww yerh.
Now mate, farming is a dangerous game, aww yerh, aww yerh, so many things trying to kill yer all the time, so many close calls. There is the machinery, tractors, bull dozers, chain saws, post drivers, harvesters, motor bikes, quods, you name it and it will try to kill yer. Then there is the animals, horses, bulls, Joe Blakes all trying to kill yer, aww yerh, aww yerh.
While I was away I herd about the Captain of the Cricket Team getting killed by a quod bike, aww yerh, really sad thing that was, aww yerh, left his wife with two kids and a farm to look after, sad, aww yerh.
Aww mate, aww mate, not long after that the Old Man asked me to come back and take over the farm as he was feeling the effects of all those years of hard work, aww yerh, aww yerh. He wanted to slow down a bit, may be take a trip, I think he was just tired, aww yerh.
So mate I found me self back on the farm but now it was up to me to run it, the Old Man was there to help and with advice, aww yerh, aww yerh. But it would sink or swim on what I did, aww mate, nothing like a bit of pressure, aww yerh, aww yerh. But in the end things have not turned out all that bad, made a few false steps but for the most part, hur hur hur, mate, things have turned out pretty good. Depending on how you look at things I guess.
Aww mate, aww mate, you know mate, if yer not careful life can get away from you, you know what I’m saying, one minute you a young kid playing cricket and the next minute you’re a fifty year old man sitting on a horse herding cows, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Malcolm.
Chapter 4.
Aww mate, aww mate, old Petal the horse, hur hur hur, yerh he’s getting a bit old, the old bugger, I can remember him as a scrawny little foal, aww yerh. I needed a new horse and there were a few to choice from that year, so I picked one out for me self, aww yerh, well there was three to pick from and I don’t know, I just picked Petal. He was the runt of the three off them, hur hur hur mate but he had something about him, so I pick him. Aww mate I don’t think my old man was too impressed with my choice but, well I just saw something in him.
He had an interesting marking just above his left leg, it looked like a rose petal, so I named him Petal. Now mate I was also thinking about that song by Johnny Cash, you know the one, what’s that song called? A Boy called Sue, that’s it, remember that song, about a boy getting toughened up because he was called Sue, hur hur hur, mate.
Aww mate, yerh mate, now that Johnny Cash was a strange one, the man in black, he had a few songs. ‘I walk the Line,’ that was one of his, remember that, I think that’s about testing if you’re a drunk driver, mate. Aww mate, aww mate, those yanks they don’t blowing in the bag, you know, if you’re a drunk driver, know mate, know mate, they get yer to walk a straight line, hur hur hur, mate, hence the song, ‘I Walk the Line.’ Then there’s that song, ‘Ring of Fire,’ you know what that’s about? Eating too many curries, that’s what that’s about, hur hur hur, mate, you know what I’m saying.
Anyway, mate, I thought calling this runty foal Petal, might toughen him up a bit, you know what I mean, mate. And it worked, Petal is one tuff horse mate. aww yerh, aww yerh.
But I tell yer what, you wouldn’t want to call him Petal to his face, aww know, aww know, I saw a bloke do that once, hur hur hur, maaate. Me and Petal were at the local show to compete in the Gymkhana and one of our opponents thought it was a good idea to make fun of Petal’s name, hur hur hur, he kept standing in front of Petal saying his name over and over. Aww mate, aww mate, Petal just head butted him, knocked him on his bum, hur hur hur, mate.
And mate, hur hur hur, all it did was light a fire under old Petal, we won that Gymkhana. Petal just nailed it, ran like there was no tomorrow, turned on a sixpences, it was something else. And mate, it was all down to that bloke having fun with Petal’s name. I tell yer what mate, if Petal could of found the announcer after the event, well he would of coped it as well. He kept having fun with Petal’s name while calling the event, aww mate, and Petal was not to impressed, I can tell yer, mate, hur hur hur.
Aww mate, aww mate, aww yer, I’ve come off Petal a few times over the years, way back I fell of him, well to tell the truth, he bucked me of, mate. He’s a randy bugger sometimes and at one time my neighbour was breeding horses and Petal decided that, he didn’t want to herd up cattle, he wanted to visit my neighbour, well his new maire anyway. But I was young and fit, so I just bounced, mate, yerh just bounced, but the next time just a few years back, I was not so lucky, I broke me wing, aww yerh, aww yerh.
So there I was lying on the ground with a broken arm, old Petal came over and licked me face, as if to say sorry, hur hur hur, mate but that didn’t help much. Anyway, all I could do was climb back on to Petal and ride home, aww mate, that hurt a bit I can tell you. Aww mate, aww mate I then got in the Ute and drove into town to the hospital. Hur hur hur mate, that took a bit of doing, changing gears was a bit of a trick, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Hey mate, hey mate, you ever been in hospital? Arh mate, what an awful places they are, aww yerh, mate, they wanted to prod me, probe me and generally stick things in placed that were not meant to have thing stuck. Hey, hey, hey, mate, I’ll tell yer, the embryo that called himself a Doctor was the worst, he wanted to put me in some sort of scanner, but I was having non of it, aww know, aww know. I told him what he could do with his scanner, sideways, mate. But to give the bugger his due he did fix the arm pretty good, it does give me a bit of hurry up during wet weather but other wise its good as new, mate.
Aww mate, aww mate, I have to say, Petal is getting taller or I getting older as each time I come of the bugger it feels like a longer way down, aww yerh. Last time mate, I didn’t bounce, aww no, aww no, it was more like a splat, mate. Didn’t break anything this time but arr mate, it hurt, I can tell yer.
Now mate, now mate, I don’t go to the Doctor all that often but after a few days I ended up at the Doctor, aww yer. Yer know, mate, I have not been to the Doctor for years, years mate, anyway I go to the Doctor, walk into her little inspection room and mate, she recognised me, mate. Knew me name, hur hur hur mate, how’s that for a memory, I guess Doctors have to have good memories, hey mate. She just told me to take it easy for a few days so that’s what I did.
Aww mate, after the last time, I told that Petal that I’d had enough and that I was getting the vet out, aww mate, aww mate, yer I told him it was time for the vet to do his thing, if you know what I mean. And the whole farm new what I meant, the whole farm would shudder when the vet came out. When he got those big pincers out off his car the whole farm looked at Petal with sad eyes.
Petal was in the crush and mate, he was not too happy I can tell yer, maaate. He’s wiggling around but the crush had him tight, aww yerh, and then the vet comes over with those big pincers and well, I went over to Petal, and mate, I reminded him what happens when he bucks me off. But then I started laughing, I just couldn’t hold it in any more, I had to tell him it was all just a joke, mate, hur hur hur.
But I don’t think he saw the funny side, the rest of the farm did, hur hur hur. He’s never bucked me off since, but it’s only a matter of time, mate you know what I’m saying, hur hur hur.
You know mate, as a farmer you have to come to terms with the cycle of life, death mate, death, aww yerh aww yerh. It’s all around you on the farm, animals being born and animals dieing. Farming is a hard life mate, if you know what I mean, Old Petal isn’t a farm animal he’s a co-worker, mate. I’ve being working with Petal for a long time and not to put to fine a point on it, Old Petal is getting close to retirement.
Much to the amusement of my fellow farmers I have a retirement paddock where animals go to fill out there older years. And well mate, Old Petal is not far away from going to the retirement paddock, but what ever you do don’t tell him that, hur hur hur, maaate.
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