Malcolm
Chapter 5.
Aww mate, aww mate, that Bull Flower, arh mate, he’s a bugger, aww yerh, aww yerh, he’s always trying to kill me, mate. Sometimes he’s as quite as a lamb but other times he’s doing the bull thing, pouring at the ground, snorting, charging, aww mate aww mate, your got to be carefully around that Old Flower, hur hur hur.
Sometimes the bugger will come over, and put his head over the fence and I’ll scratch him under his chin, aww mate, he likes that, but the next time I see him, he’ll charge at the fence, aww mate, aww mate, you never know what he’ll do.
One time I didn’t notice that Old Flower had got a bit close, first I knew was when I heard the thunder of hooves, mate, I ran but he was to close and he was gaining on me so I took me hat off and throw it at him. Well luckily, Old Flower was more interested in killing my hat than me so I managed to get away.
Aww mate, aww mate, now that I think about it, there’s been a few times over the years when I’ve been in the paddock, you know just doing something, and that Flower will spot me and come charging. I can tell yer mate, there’s nothing like over a tonne on bull charging at you to get yer running. I recon I would of set a new record for the hundred metres trying to get out of the paddock with old flower charging at me. Aww mate not only that I hurdled the barb wire fence to escape the bugger. I should of tried out for the Olympics mate, hur hur hur, maaate.
Hey mate, that’s an idea, I should lend old Flower to that institute of sport down in Canberra, they could use him as a training aid for our Olympic runners and hurdlers. Aww mate, the sight of Old Flower charging at full speed would motivate them athletes to run as fast as they could, hur hur hur, hey, mate. Australia would be top country in Olympic running by just getting old Flower on the job, mate.
Yer know mate, I can remember when old Flower was not old, aww yerh, aww yerh, he was born on the farm, aww yerh, mate. I use to bucket feed the bugger, he was quite and friendly back then but, maaate, once he grew up, hur hur hur, mate, he got grumpy, aww yerh.
I tell yer what mate, he’s been a good bull, aww yerh, he must off fathered thousands of calves, aww yerh, aww yerh. Can’t fault the bugger for performing his bull-ly duties, aww know, aww know, he’s on the job twenty four, seven, hur hur hur, if know what I mean, hey mate.
Now a few years back the bugger escaped, aww yerh, her just walked over the fence and he was off, mate. He headed to my neighbours place, now my neighbour, he’s a dairy farmer and he’s got Friesians, mate. I don’t know what Flower was thinking, he’d need a ladder to get to those Friesians, hur hur hur, their big cows, mate.
Aww mate, aww mate, me neighbour was not a happy chappie, aww know, with Flowers in his herd coursing a commotion, aww know, so me, Petal and Bruce the dog had to go in and cut him out. This just made things worse, mate, dairy cows running in all directions while me, Petal and Bruce are trying to keep between them. Last time Flower go into me neighbours herd, me Petal and Bruce just cut him out and we took him home but this time he was having nothing off it.
Now this just wasn’t working, mate, aww know, then I remembered that one of me old cows, up there in the retirement paddock, her name was Betty, well mate, she was keen to spend some time with old Flower, if you know what I mean, hur hur hur, mate. Not to put to fine a point on it mate, she was in season mate, hur hur hur, so I went and got her.
So mate, I herded Betty along the fence line till she about a hundred metres from Flower and as he wasn’t getting anywhere with the Friesian it didn’t take long for him to spot Betty. He came running over and then all I had to do was herd Betty back along the fence line till we came to a gate. Once Flower was back on my side of the fence all I had to do was herd Betty back to the retirement paddock and leave them to it, hur hur hur if know what I mean.
Now a few years back I thought to myself, that I should introduce some new blood into the herd so I retired old Flower, put him into the retirement paddock. He was not very happy about it, I can tell you, aww know, aww know. There was, aww mate, about half a dozen old cows in the retirement paddock with him but he wanted to be in the main herd, hur hur hur mate, but he got use to it after a while.
Aww mate, yer know, I then bought a new bull, his name was Tarquin, he had all the papers saying he was the bees knees, aww yerh, but mate, he wasn’t interested in the cows, maaate. He spent all day on the fence line hanging out with the steers, mate, hur hur hur. Mate I didn’t know what to do with him, there was more calves in the retirement paddock, thanks of old Flower, then in the main herd. Aww mate, aww mate, in the end I decided to give him some time to work his way into the job, but mate, he never did. He just wasn’t performing his bull-ly duties, maaate.
You know mate, sometimes as a farmer you’ve got to make some hard decisions and this was one of those time, so poor old Tarquin went to the butcher, yerh mate, I turned him into steak, aww yerh, aww yerh.
I had a young bull calf in the retirement paddock thanks to old Flower and Betty so I grow him up to be the bull, I called him Blossom. He ended up on the job a bit younger than I would off liked, hur hur hur, but he took it in his stride and has turned out pretty good. A chip off the old block as it were, hur hur hur.
And mate, Blossom’s not as cantankerous as Old Flower, he a bit more chilled out. He should be the bull for quite some time to come which is one thing I want have to worry about.
Malcolm
Chapter 6.
Now mate, some years back the old man’s dog, Bob, had some pubs and I ended up with one, I named her, Bruce. Aww yerh, aww yerh, and Bruce has been my constant companion ever since, hur hur hur, mate.
And I’ll tell something, she is obsessed with herding things, she’ll herd anything, maaate, she’d herd elephants if she came across some, hur hur hur, mate. Yerh mate, we’ve been around the block a few times, aww yerh, aww yerh, we’ve done a few sheep trails together, hur hur hur, mate.
We use to do the sheep dog trails that were part of the annual show each year, hur hur hur, mate, we never did much good but Bruce use enjoy them. One year mate, I made a bit of a goose of me self, I was in the top ten shot out of the sheep trails at the local show. Aww mate, aww mate, there I was out in the middle with Bruce and five sheep, now mate, the objective was to get the sheep into a pen but you had to herd them through a few gates first. Pretty standard stuff for a sheep trail, you know what I’m saying, but mate, I spots a familiar face in the crowd, hur hur hur, mate.
Hur mate, back in my school days I had me eye on a girl mate, orr she was a good sort, still is, but she married the captain of the cricket team. Remember that, well mate she’s a widow now, aww yerh, aww yerh, in fact mate she’s a grand mother now, and fare game, aww yerh. Well there she was in the crowd, and mate she gives me a wave, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Aww mate, aww mate, hur hur hur, I forgot what I was doing, seeing the Granny in the crowd broke me concentration and I’m not doing what I am suppose to be doing. I standing in the middle of the Show Ground like some sort of prize goose, aww yerh, aww yerh. Now mate, Bruce is doing what she suppose to do, she’s herding the sheep through some gates and then over to a pen. But mate, I’m still standing there like a stunned possum in the head lights, I’m not moving. I should of walked over to the pen and opened the gate, but I’m just standing there.
Bruce has herded the sheep over to the pen but the gate is closed, so she just stops and looks at me. I know what she must have been thinking, ‘what is he doing?’ that’s what she would have been thinking. Hur hur hur, mate well, the crowd start cooeeing and Bruce runs over barking at me, aww yerh, aww yerh, and then she grabs the bottom of me pans and starts pulling at me leg, hur mate.
Now mate, now mate, this snapped me out of me trance and I realized what a goose I was making of me self, so I walked over to the pen and opened the gate, hur hur hur mate, but the sheep were long gone. Their were over the other side of the Show ground. The crowd were laughing, Bruce barked at me and then walked off, this got a big cheer from the crowd, aww mate, so I gave the crowd a wave and walked of as well.
Yer know mate, that Granny, arr she’s a good sort, still has power over me, even after all these years, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Now a few years back and with Bruce not getting any younger I went all the way up to Dorrigo, to buy a new pup, called her Max. Been training her up but she got a way to go to get to were Bruce is, aww mate it take a bit of work, aww yerh.
Decided to go to the big city for the national sheep trails last year, mate, aww yerh. But that was with Max, me young dog I’m training up, Bruce came along for support. Hur hur hur, mate, I’ll tell yer something for nothing, who ever the bright spark was who came up with the idea of having the national sheep trails in the big city, was more like a dull spark. There was no one there, mate, not a sole, the place was deserted, the only people there were the people involved, aww mate.
We didn’t do much good, you know, we were never going to but, I tell what we did alright, we finished in the top thirty. That’s not too bad given that it was Max’s first big event. And, well, we don’t do it the way your suppose to, aww know, aww know, your not suppose to talk to the dog, you suppose to blow a whistle, mate. I don’t do that mate, na, I yell at Max and she barks back at me, I wave me arms about and she wags her tail all over the place. We get the job done but it ain’t pretty, hur hur hur, mate, aww know, aww know.
Bruce is still top dog around the farm, she always knows what to do, aww yerh, aww yerh. She’s saved my bacon a few times over the years, one time she warned me about a Joe Blake that was sleeping on the front door mat, aww mate, aww mate. I would of stood on the bugger if it wasn’t for Bruce.
Like Petal, Bruce is more like a co-worker than a farm animal, aww yerh, aww yerh, you know mate, I want ever retire Bruce, aww know, aww know, she’ll just slow down, you know what I’m saying.
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