Malcolm
Chapter 7.
Aww mate, aww mate, you know mate, the farm has always been pretty diverse, cattle, sheep, crops like corn and wheat, and I’ve added things like goats, poultry and crops like canola, as well as farm stays.
But mate, but mate, sheep have always been part of the farm, aww yerh, aww yerh, and mate, their not as stupid as people think, aww no.
I bought a new Ram, aww some years back now, I called him Tony. Now Tony is one laid back Ram, aww yerh, aww yerh. So much so, that I was not sure if he was performing his Ramly duties. Now there is a way of checking on this, what you do is, well, you buy a die that’s made for this from the produce store. Then mate, I tell you what you do, you paint this die on Tony so when he performs his Ramly duties, hur hur hur, some of the die rubs of onto the ewes, if you know what I mean.
Now mate, now mate, the problem was that the only colour die I could buy was pink, hur hur hur, pink mate. Now pink is not a very manly colour, aww no aww no, and it seemed to effect Tony in a negative way. I think the ewes were getting a good laugh out of it and that didn’t help poor old Tony. He stoped performing his Ramly duties mate, that’s right the bugger just stoped paying any attention to the ladies, mate.
Aww mate, aww mate, the next thing I know and the bugger has disappeared, that’s right he broke through the fence and he was off, hur hur hur, mate. I spent a day with Petal and Bruce looking for him, aww yerh, aww yerh. I found the bugger, well Bruce did, hiding in my neighbours flock, he wasn’t that hard to find in a flock of sheep as he was pink after all.
That year would have been a bad year for lambs if it wasn’t for my other Ram, Bill. I used some of last years die on him and that was blue which did not seem to worry Bill as there was blue die all over the ewes.
The next year Tony was back to his best, performing his Ramly duties with great enthusiasm all because of the colour of the die.
During the great flood of a few years back I had to rescue some sheep from the rising flood waters, aww yerh, aww yerh. They managed to get themselves isolated on some high ground as the water got higher. Mate, I had to get the old rowing boat out and row over to where they were and bring them over to the high ground. The ewes were fine, they seemed to know what they needed to do, between me and Bruce we herded them, one or two at a time up a ramp and into the boat, aww yerh, aww yerh. It took a few trips up we got them all to safety, but Tony was a different box of ducks.
I’ll tell yer what I had to do, well, Tony had not been shaun so with all the rain, the poor old bugger weighed a bit. So I just pushed him over onto his side, gaffer taped his legs together and then rolled him up the ramp into the boat like a 44 gallon drum, hur hur hur. No very dignified but it got the job done.
Malcolm
Chapter 8.
Some years back, aww yerh, aww yerh, I introduced a new Bull to the herd, poor old Flower was getting a bit old and tired. The new bull came with all sorts of bit of paper saying how great he was, all his blood lines, if you know what I mean.
I names him Tarquin, which seemed appropriate but mate he did not work out, I can tell yer. He wasn’t interested in the cows, mate, aww no, aww no. He spent all his time on the fence line with the steers, didn’t pay any attention to the cows at all mate, hur hur hur.
Like I said before I grow up the son of Flower, Blossom to take over the job, which he has done, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Aww mate, so in the end poor old Tarquin went off to the Butcher to make very expensive stake, aww yerh, aww yerh.
I’ll tell you some thing for nothing, he made good stake, aww yerh, aww yerh. What I did mate, I cooked him on a BBQ, aww yerh, I cooked him the way stake should be cooked. If you ever go to a restaurant and order stake, hur hur hur, mate, they destroy stake, I can tell you, aww yerh, aww yerh.
They love soaking it in muck, aww mate talk about buggering up a good bit of stake, well that’s the way to do it, aww yerh. Then they don’t cook it, aww no, all they do is wave it over the flame and call it cooked, aww mate, that’s not cooked mate, that’s what you call raw mate, aww yerh, aww yerh.
I blame all those cooking shows on the telly mate, aww yerh, they have a lot to answer for, I can tell you. The best way to cook a bit of stake, hur hur hur, mate, is to cook the arse out of it, cook it till its smoking, aww yerh, aww yerh.
Any way, mate, that’s what happened to Tarquin, he ended up on the BBQ, aww yerh.
You know mate farming is a bit of a balancing act, aww yerh, aww yerh, on one hand yer need to introduce new blood but on the other hand it can be risky, aww yerh, aww yerh, and Tarquin is a great example of that.
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